funny jokes mixed

Pathan “Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein“: –
Q = What is you father name?
Pathan = Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
Pathan = Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan = Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan = I want to use My last life line “Phone a friend.”
Q = Kisko call karengy…?
Pathan = Apne baap dilawar ko….!
Play

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Continue reading

very funny jokes

How can a foreigner tell his indian servant 2 open the door, who doesnt know english.

Think….

Say this fast in American accent…

There was a cold day“…!

Donkey

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Teacher = ‘A’ for?

Student = Apple..!

Teacher = Jor se bolo

Student = JAI MATA DI….

Reading

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Teacher to Pathan = Tumne home work kyun nahin kiya?

Pathan = Sir main hostel mein rehta hun.

Dog

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Ek kaali african ladki ko God(bhagwan) ne pankh de diye to wo kushi se boli: –

Wow! God kya aab main pari ban gayi hun..?

God = Nahin re pagali..! Tum ab Chamgaadar ban gayi ho… 🙂4

Bat

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Sach Ka Saamna

.

.

Jawaab sirf haan ya na me dena hai..

Toh lo aapke liye pehla sawal..

Kya aapne mandir se chappal churana chhor diya hai…

Slipper

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Teacher = Kal kare so aaj kar aaj kare so ab.

.

.

.

Papu ne pucha = Ab mujhe koi ye bataye kal karnewale sandaas ko aaj kaise kare?

Funny

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A rich man needed blood for his heart surgery.

He got it from a Poor Bania.

The rich man gave him 5 million dollars. Once again the rich man needed blood for surgery.

Bania was more than happy to donated blood again.

This time, the rich just gave him a Cadbury’s Chocolate.

Bania asked the reason

The rich man replied = “Now I also have Bania’s blood in my body.”

Sweets********************************************************************************

Ek chhote bachche ne apani pregnant mummy se uska pet dekhkar pucha =

Is mein kya hai?

Mummy = Is mein pyara sa Baby hai..

Bachcha = Itana pyara tha to khaya kyun usko….?

Pregnant

funny Hindi Jokes

funny Hindi Jokes
???? रेसिपी: ?

एक कटोरा लो,
उसमें कुछ अंगूर लो,
अब एक अंगूर मुँह में डालो,
अब आइना देखो,
डिश तैयार।
डिश का नाम:
लंगूर के मुँह में अंगूर।

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सबसे छोटा मज़ाक
डॉक्टर : अब कैसा है तुम्हारा सिरदर्द ?
मरीज़ : वो तो मायके गईं हैं …..!!!!??

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funny Hindi Jokes

बहन की बिदाई पर छोटा भाई बोला:
“पापा,दीदी रो रही है लेकीन जीजु तो नही रो रहे !”
.
“बेटा,दीदी गेट तक रोएगी,जीजु कब्र तक रोएगा…”

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funny Hindi Jokes

एक आदमी ज्योतिष से बोला…“मेरी शादी क्यों नही हो रही है??
.
.
ज्योतिष बोला,“कैसे होगी पगले? कुन्डलीमें सुख ही सुख जो लीखा है!!!!!!“
??

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funny Hindi Jokes 

पत्नी:जानु, क्या मैं तुम्हारे सपनोमें आती हूं?

.पति:बिलकुल नही |

पत्नी:क्यों ?

पति:में हनुमान चालीसा पठकर सोता हूं |
????????

funny Hindi Jokes

पति: तेरे बापकी जले पर नमक छीडकनेकी आदत गई नही |?

पत्नी: क्यों क्या हुआ?
.
पति: आज फिर से पूछ रहा था,“मेरी बेटीसे शादी करके खुश तो हो ना?”
???

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funny Hindi Jokes

एक भक्त की तपस्या से खुश होकर प्रभु बोले,
.
बोल बच्चा क्या चाहिय?
.
भक्त बोलाः प्रभु धरती से आसमान तक सडक
बना दो.
.
प्रभुः मुश्किल है, कोई और वर मांगो।

भक्तः प्रभु पत्नियों को समझदार, सुशील और
शांत बना दो।
.
प्रभुः सडक सिंगल बनाउ या डबल?

  • Pappu ki master se hui ladai
    .
    Master ne ki Pappu ki dhulai
    .
    .
    Pappu ka garam hua khoon
    .
    .
    Gaya kabristan ar kabar pe master ke photo tang k likh diya
    .
    .
    COMING SOON

  • Achha Ek Bat Batao,
    .
    GADHA Tanhai Me kya Mehsus karta Hai?
    *
    *

    >
    Koi Jaldi nahi Hai
    .
    Mehsus karke Bata Dena!…..

  • Dear boys larkion ke chakkar me mat parna
    .
    Dosto
    .
    Kyun ki
    .
    Ye aati hain heer ki tarha
    ye aati hain heer ki tarha
    lagti hain kheer ki tarha
    lagti hain kheer ki tarha
    chubhti hain teer ki tarha
    .
    .
    Or end me
    or end me
    halat kar deti hain fakeer ki tarha.

  • Strange but true..
    .
    .
    Duniya me har insaan ka alag naam hai..
    .
    .
    Magar bheed me jab hum aawaz lagate hai..
    .
    .
    .
    “abe kaminey” kasam se 20 me se 18 log palat kar dekhte hai..

  • Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho..
    Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu..
    Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai..
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata……………………funniest hindi jokes santa banta

Ek ladka school der se jata hai
.
.
Principal :”Late kyo hue ???
.
.
Boy :”Bike kharab ho gyi the
.
.
Principal :”Bus mei nhi aa skte the
.
.
Boy :”Maine kaha tha sir
.
par apki beti k nakhre khatam ho tab na

 

 

 

  • Pehele ghar mei bhai-behen k bich jhagda hota tha iss bat pe.
    Ki Pehele newspaper kaun padhega
    .
    Ar ab jhagda hota hai iss bat mein
    .
    K pehele facebook profile kaun kholega :p :p
    .
    .
    Rishta wohi soch nayi

Gaur farmaaiye
.
Unhone Arz Kiya-
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge??
Mehfil me hamare joote kho gaye to ham ghar kaise jayenge?
.
 

 

  • kisine kaha-“Aap shayari to shuru kijiye,

itne milenge ki aap gin nahi payenge”…………………very very funny sms

Santa:” mujhe uss ladki se bachao..:o
.
Banta:” kyo ??
.
Santa:” jab se maine kaha dil cheer k dekh tera hi naam hoga..
saali chaku leke piche pad gyi hai…………………..funniest hindi jokes santa banta

  • Boy :”Mein tumse bahut pyar krta hu
    .
    Reh nhi skta tumhare bina
    .
    Girl :”Mere piche apni zindagi barbad mat kar
    .
    Boy :”Q ?

    Girl :”Is raste pe patthr or kanto k alwa kuch nhi
    .
    Boy :”Are pagli… tu tension na le Mere pas WOODLAND k shoes hai bs tu pat ja……….. new hin

 

mekeup jokes

1 medical student ne apni classmet ko, khoon se love-letter likh kar diya……….
.
aur kaha :- mujhe iska jawab jaroor dena
.
.
.
Ladki :- tumhara blood group B hai & calcium ki kami hai…………..doctor jokes

Agar koi ladki ghar me bhi make-up laga kar ghume to samjho…
.
.
Ki
.
Uska mobile phone 3G hai………very funny jokes on girls

Ek shadi me ek ladka 1 ladki ko bahut dhyan se dekh rha tha ….
.
Girl : — impress hokar — kyo dekh rhe ho itni der de – .
.
.
.
Boy– I was thinking agar aap
meri mummy hoti to,
.
.
.
mai bhi kitna sundar hota…………..marriage jokes

Then: Gharwali, Baharwali
Now: Twitterwali, Facebookwali.

In relationship; never break the heart ! Break the Bed!………………………relationship jokes

Different types of Girlfriend fighting with their boyfriend..
.

Pilot’s Girlfriend : Zyada ud Matt Samjha
Teacher’s Girlfriend : Mujhe mat Sikhao Samjhe
Dentist’s Girlfriend : Daant tod ke hath me de dungi
C.A.’S Girlfriend : Hisaab se reh samjha…
Engineer’s Girlfriend :
.
.
.
.
Abey pehle Pass toh ho ja fir baat karna……………girlfriend boyfriend jokes

Most Deadly Combination Ever !
.
.
.
Internet Explorer + BSNL Internet + IRCTC + female user

Santa ko chand par bhejne ka faisla hua..
.
.
Aadhe raste jakar Santa rocket se kood gaya or chillaya……
.
.
kamino aaj to amawasya hai, chand to hoga hi nahi….

 

collage funny jokes

Truth of College Life
‘D First Benchers know the Answers to all d Problems.’
‘Only d Back Benchers hav d Power 2 Face Every Problem.’

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College life

ASSIGNMENT copy karte time

” Oye!! Ye kya likha hai ?? ”
.
.
.
.
” Jo word samajh aa raha haiwo likh,
jo nai aaraha uska aisa hi design bana de’!!

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3 best jokes of college life :

1. Don’t disturb me, I want to study….
2. No class, lets go to library
and the biggest one……..
3. Sir, I have a doubt…

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Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE-
C-Come,
O-On,
L-Lets,
L-Love,
E-Each,
G-Girl,
E-Equally……
Thats why boys go to college regularly..

========================================

We came wit d
fear of not knowing anybody…

But

We ll go wit tears after knwing evrybody…

& dat’s called”COLLEGE LIFE”.

“COLLEGE LIFE ROCKS”

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Professor said
if any boy goes to girls hostel
rs:100 for first time
rs:200 for 2ndtime &
rs:500for third time

one boy asked”how much for monthly pass???”

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College days are a person’s finest days,
Lived in joy,
Spent in carefree ways,
Remembered with a heavy heart!

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Lots of smiles,
Smiles with no worries,
Gala time spent together,
Time spent with no limit,
Lifelong friendship,
This is called college friendship,

lala ji funny jokes

Best T-Shirt Quote of The Year
I Dont Need Sex
My Tensions Fucks Me Every day….

No one can Destroy IRON but its own RUST can.
Likewise,
No one can Destroy a Person but his Own Mind set can.
Our Thoughts Change Our Life..

 

 

 

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How to identify murga & murgi?
Patthar maaro aur dekho…
.
.
.
.
.
Agar
Bhaaga to murga hai
aur…
agar
bhaagi to murgi….:-
think different…..

 

 

 

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Kisi ki umeed me wo aise khoye they,
palko se pata chlaa wo raat bhar roye they,
dheemi si aahat se unke karib aana chaha,
jane kyu aisa laga wo hamey yaad karte-karte soye the.

 

 

 

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Quote For Lovers:
The quality and breadth of your relationship
matters more than any amount of money in your pocket…

 

 

 

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Jailer to KASAB-
Why are you so happy?
Kasab-
I am not an Indian.
I hate India & killed Indians,
But I am sure that I am safe In India
A journalist to ANNA HAZARE-
Why are you so sad?
Anna-
I am an Indian
I love my India and Indians,
But I am not sure when I will be killed
This is INDIA….!

 

 

 

 

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Santa’s wife- Aji suntey ho,
ghar me namak khatam ho gya hai,
dal me kya dalu.??
Santa gusse me- Dimaag to hai hi nahi,
Naya colgate active salt daal de usme namk hai…

 

 

 

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Ek Baap apane Teenage BETE ka School Bag Check kar Raha tha,
Toh 1 CON@@@ Mila.
Bap: Sharm Nahi Aati Bag Me ye sab Rakhte hue ?
BETA: To kya is Umar Me BAAp Ban Jau

 

 

 

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Santa dukandar se- lalaji, 1 litre gur dena.
Lalaji-gur litre main nahi kilo main aata hai,
dubara maango.
Santa -lalaji 1 kilo gur dena, botal main.
Lalaji-aise nahi mangte,
tum dukandar bano aur main gur kharidta hu.
Lalaji-1 kilo gur dena..!!
Santa-botal laaye ho..??

 

 

 

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Khuda ka shukar hai ke aansu be-rang hotey hain!
Warna raat ko bheeg jaane wala takiya naa jaane kitne raaz bayaan kar deta….

 

 

 

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Doctor ki shaadi kuch is tarah se honi chahiye, ki doctor ki shaadi lage.
Mehndi ki jagah Betadin solution istemaal ho.
Baraat ambulance me jaye,shaadi hospital me ho
Tasviron ki jagah x-ray liya jaye aur kya khub ho,
agar khaane me vitamin B-complex ki goli di jaaye.
Mehmano ko chai ya cold drink ki jagah glucose water ORS diya jaye.
Dulhe ke galey me haar ki jagah stethoscope lagaya jaye
aur dulha shaadi ke baad bole NEXT

 

 

 

 

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BHOJPURI MSG ONLY 4 U;
TuHar CheHra PHULWA K Samaan
TuHar HASNA PhuLwa K Samaan
TuHar NAAK, KAAN, BAAL Sab PhuLwa K Saman
Aur PHULWA Hamaar BHAINSWA Ka Naam.

 

 

 

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Jo mangoge milenga:
Dil,
Dhadhkan,
Jigar,
Aankhen,
Mohabbatain,
Mann,
Jaan,
Bas “judaai” nahi mil sakti
Qki uski DVD mere paas nhi hai.

Top 10 funny new Hindi Jokes

1. First in the list of Top 10 Hindi Jokes is a Sardar Joke

Sardar picnic par gaye whan ja kar yaad aaya ke pepsi to ghar bhul gaye.
Decide kia ke sab se chhota sardar ja kar Pepsi le aaye,
Sardar: Main is shart par jata hu ke tum mere ane tak smose nahi khaoge.
Dono ne kaha thik hai.
ek din guzar gaya sardar nahi aaya.
do din guzar gaye.
Dono ne socha ke ab samose kha lene chahiye.
Jaise hi smosa uthaya chota sardar ped ke peechhe se nikal k bola. “AISE KAROGE TO MAIN NAHI JAAUNGA”

 

 

 

 

2. Husband Biwi Se:
Pani Pila Do …
Biwi :- Kya! ,Pyaas Lagi Hai ??
..
… ..
..
..
..
..
..
..
Husband (Gussey se):
“Nahi”Gala Check Karna Hai
Kahin se”LEAK”to Nahi Hai

3. Teacher: Beta batao Parle G kepacket pe jo Green dot banahai uska matlab kya hai?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Baccha-‘mam iska matlab Parle G online baithe hain..

 

 

 

 

4.

Teacher: ‘3 idiots’ film dehknay ke baad aap ko kya lesson mila? Pap
pu: miss yehi ki..Enginering padh kar bhi medical ki ladki fasai ja sak
ti hai ? . .

 

 

Miss: shut up & get out.
Babloo: miss mein bataon..?
Miss: very good, batao..
Babloo: miss college ke 1st day Underwear zaroor pehna chahiye ? . .
.
 

Miss: u also get out.
Shamu: miss mein bataon..?
Miss: i think u are a brilliant student.. tum sahi batao gay.. .
Shamu :miss doctor ke elawa Engineer bhi delivery kar sakta hai. :- D:-
D Miss: u also get out. . GUDU: Miss mein bataon. Miss: HAAN BATAO… . GUDU: FRENCH KISS MEIN NAAK BEECH MEIN NAHI AATI. ? Students Rock!

 

 

5.

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.

Saheb: Kal aana.

Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.

 

 

6.

Santa-Banta Style of Cheating ?
..
Santa-Banta cheating krne hi wale the k Teachr agya or pucha:
Tum se peche wale larke ne abi kya pucha?
Santa:Sir is ne pucha Japan ka capital kya h..
Teachr:
to tum ne bta dya?
Banta:Nai Sir.. Mene isko danta tha k abi to tu ne muje Toka hai mgr ab na “TOKYO”:D
Geo CheaterZ!:-P

 

 

7.

 

(kavi ka Beta School Mein =P)

Teacher : What Is N0un??

Student : Arz Karta Hoon…

kutta Bhi Hota Hai Apni Gali Mein King…
Wah Wah…

Kutta Bhi Hota Hai Apni Gali Mein King…

Noun Is A Name Of Any Person Place Or Thing!! =p

 

 

 

8.

Santa ne exam sheet par SUSU karke teacher ke hath me thama di.
..
Teacher-GADHE ye kya kia.!!!
..
..
Santa.-Sir, apne hi kaha tha pahle jo aa rha he wahi krdo…

9.

Santa jab court se case jeet k aaya to usne wakeel ko bas 1o rupee diye…..
.
.wakeel (Lawyer) gussa ho ke bola-“YE MERE CHAPRASI K LIYE HE KI MERE NAUKAR K LIYE….?????”
.
.
.
.
…..Santa bola-“YE TUM TEENO KE LIYE HAI…

 

 

10. Here is the last one in our Top 10 Hindi Jokes- Part 1

Ek sharabi ne bahut zyada sharab pee le. Jab woh ghar aaya to uss ne jeb se chabi nikali aur tala ko kholney laga.

Haath kaapne ke wajha se chabi kabhi idhar hat jati kabhi udhar hat jati, ek admi pass se guzra toh sharabi ne usey bataya ki tala nahi khul rahi hai.

drunk.jpg

 Uss shaks ne sharabi ke pass ja kar kaha, “lao chabi tala main khol deta hoon”

Aur phir sharabee ne kaha, “Tala toh main hi kholonga bas tum makan ko pakar ke rakhna”

We are sure that you have enjoyed these funny jokes and laughed a lot. We will be back with another top 10 Hindi Jokes that will make you laugh harder.